Update
Well, since writing the below post I need to make a change. My friend Jen has decided to leave Bulgaria. It is a decsion I knew she was struggling with, and ultimately decided that it was the best decision for her. She will be missed more than she knows and by a great many people. It takes a lot of courage to leave, especially when you consider how relatively easy we have it over here compared to the reality of the work world at home. But she is too ambitious of a person to sit around and kill time when she knows she can be doing so much more elsewhere. At some point I guess quitting isn't a bad thing after all. I suppose the real trick is figuring out when you are causing yourself more harm than good then doing something about it to change your situation.
So here is to Jen, I wish her the absolute best in her newest adventure
posted by: ksension at December 08, 2005 13:53 |
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a good rambling
I feel that I have to have something worthwhile to write about in order to write anything here. I realized today however that if I wait for something worthwhile to write about y'all will be waiting a while to read anything. One of my friends here who keeps a blog almost daily never writes about what is going on in her life here, it’s more of a real journal. She speculates, asks hard questions, contemplates, basically she makes you think about all sorts of things. Sometimes I think maybe I should do that more often, that whole contemplation and speculation thing. I suppose it could be healthy for me, help me get through any inner demons I have and such. So that is what I was going to do, some inner demon hunting; but you know what, I couldn’t' find any. Seems the great forest of my past is demon free, or at least free from things that I need to psychoanalyze and purge myself of. So today I am going to ramble a bit, because- because sometimes a good ramble is good for the brain.
I read Jen’s blog almost every day, or at least check it to see if she has posted. She really is a great writer, and I am pretty sure some day she will be able to make it a career (she should.) The reason I am talking about all of this though is that I just read her blog from yesterday, and well, it made me think, do I feel that way too. If you want to read her blog, here is the link to it (it is worth reading now and then, she really is an excellent writer) http://www.jenbulgaria.blogspot.com/
So anyways, if you gone to that link and read the last post "Once upon a time.....", you will know what I am about to go on and on about. If not, well it will make sense anyways
When I think back to the life I had before coming to Bulgaria I can't say that I have much to complain about. I had a pretty good job, not a career, but a job that I more or less enjoyed and got some fulfillment out of. That is more than I can say for the job I had before the one in Beaufort. For those who don't know I was the manager of moderately high end jewelry store. The job was thankless, tiresome, shallow and left me each day asking if I had actually done anything that mattered. That is a good question to be asking your self now and then, but certainly not a good question to be asking if the answer is consistently "No." And it is certainly the type of question that could lead someone to finding them self living in a former soviet block country. Life at home was good, it was consistent. Life here however is challenging, it changes day to day and forces you to stay alert. Alert is good, alert keeps you on your toes.
Now, you might be asking yourself “where is she going with this, is there a point to be had???” To be truthful, I’m not quite sure where this little diatribe of mine is headed. You see after reading Jen’s blog, I found that I wanted to ask her, “if things are so much worse here then why do you stay?” I can’t though because I already know the answer. I know that we stay because the thought of quitting makes us sick. Not so much the actual act; that in itself might actually feel quite good. But the thought of being a quitter, now that is like a smart slap to the face. I’m sure most of you reading this won’t find it a shock when I say I have thought about terminating my service in Peace Corps quite a few times. There are many reasons I have wanted to, but it always seemed there were more reasons not to. Even now, with less than 10 months to go before my service is us, I still have days when I think about leaving early. But yet, I know deep down that I will never quit, never come home early. Being here is one of those times in your life that you will always remember. It will help to shape the rest of your life and will affect the choices I make for a good long time. It is because of my struggles here that I have been able to last so long. It is because I have had to figure out who I am, cause believe you me, you defiantly figure out who you are when having to be your own company for two plus years.
It makes me think about what would have happened had I not come to Bulgaria. Would I ever have “figured” myself out? Then again what exactly does “figuring yourself out” mean? I know what it means in Bulgaria, but will that transfer over to what we over here affectionately refer to as the “real world” back home? The Kate that exists in Bulgaria does not know the real world of home. That might be a good thing though. Maybe when I get back I’ll be able to let the world adjust to me instead of me adjusting the world. It’s a happy thought…
A couple more pics from the Wedding
Me and Shea and the Reception
Possing and looking good at about 3:30 in the morning
James (english guy who teaches English in Plovdiv), Shea, me, Aneesa (youth development. volunteer), not sure what her name is - bulgarian girl and Boris (bulgarian guy, lives in Plovdiv)
posted by: ksension at December 01, 2005 10:56 |
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